


OMG VELOCIRAPTORS!

by OpheliaRising



Category: xkcd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-24
Updated: 2008-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-25 04:23:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1631327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OpheliaRising/pseuds/OpheliaRising
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started with velociraptors and ended with the LHC.</p>
            </blockquote>





	OMG VELOCIRAPTORS!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to hhertzof and Wasuremono, who betaed this and encouraged my addiction to pure crack.
> 
> Written for numinicious

 

 

It started with velociraptors, and ended with the LHC. She could have blamed 4chan, she could have blamed Bill Gates, but ultimately, the woman with the black hair blamed an anonymous seven year old answering to an IP in Peoria, Illinois, who downloaded a Metallica song six years earlier and set off the whole thing. 

First the masterminds of the evil RIAA empire sent lawyers, platoon after platoon, in shining white armor and bearing blaster rifles. When the scrappy torrent resistance triumphed over the storm-lawyers, the evil empire rubbed their hands together, laughed cruelly, and pulled out the big guns: they released the dinosaurs. And that was the beginning of the end.

Hackers everywhere were unprepared. Basement windows were unguarded, university strongholds overcome. North America fell within a week, a lost empire of smoking ruins and the occasional wandering cow, mooing for its life. South America was next, and Europe put up a valiant fight, but on the fateful fifth of November, a pregnant velociraptor snuck aboard a freighter full of refugees bound from Brazil to Portugal, and two weeks later, disaster struck. In the sleepy hovel of Geneva, Switzerland, a scientist was killed in the night, conquered by a marauding herd of tiny dinosaurs. His replacement went into work the next day, bleary-eyed and unprepared. One wrong switch flipped later, and it was over. The hyper-accelerated particle streams crossed and left a black hole where once there was a garden. 

Humanity survived, along with cockroaches and a breeding pair of LOLcats. The last refuge was a space ship stationed far outside the galaxy, a data haven manned by a brave crew of bloggers, electricians, and miners. Its name was the _Nostromo_ , and on it, the hope of humanity scraped by, led by a black-haired woman, moving from planet to planet through the dark, searching once more for life. 

 


End file.
